Today we’d like to introduce you to Sabrina San Miguel.
Hi Sabrina, so excited to have you on the platform. So before we get into questions about your work-life, maybe you can bring our readers up to speed on your story and how you got to where you are today?
Born and raised in Denver Heights on the East side of San Antonio, I am the daughter of a single mother who has worked in the service industry her entire life. When I was 16, I dropped out of high school to start working myself. At 18, I had my first child. It was after the birth of my child that I decided to head back to school. With absolutely no prior knowledge of how to do so, I navigated the system the best I could as a single, Chicana mother. Eventually, I attained a bachelor’s degree in English and Gender Studies. I was the first in my family to do so. This was important to me for many reasons. One is that at the time, I felt that this was the only way to set an example for my children (2 at this point in my story) and another simply because I wanted to prove that I could do it, that little girls from the hood could do anything– even go off to college and write some stories and poems. It wasn’t until later in life that I realized higher education isn’t the only way that little girls from the hood make something of their lives but alas, I had no model at the time and still, I value my education.
Writing was and continues to be the greatest love of my life. It ignited something deep within me at a very young age when I had nothing. It unearthed passion and what did a girl from Denver Heights know about passion? Not a damn thing– until I knew. I have a very distinct memory as a child of my mother getting a phone call from my 5th-grade teacher one evening. She called the landline when my mom was making dinner. I recall the initial look on my mom’s face when she assumed I was in trouble, then I watched as her face softened, eyes glossed over, and the way she smiled as my teacher proceeded to read her a story I had written in class.
“Ms. San Miguel, your daughter is a beautiful writer. I hope that she continues to write.” And I did. I have been writing my entire life. I wish I could say that I have numerous books under my belt at this moment in my life but I do not. It is never that simple, right? Not when you grow up in perpetual survival mode, something I am just now seeing myself out of. The writing was how I coped. It was how I documented things I did not understand. Writing gave me a voice and was the bridge back to my hood and community that I briefly departed from when I was in search of myself— in college, in careers, and through love, loss as well.
A year and a half after my bachelor’s degree, I attained my master’s in English. The first degree was for my babies (I crossed the stage pregnant with my 3rd and final child, a daughter) but my master’s degree? That was for me. It was me deciding not that I needed it but that I wanted it. I wanted to work under Texas Poet Laureate, Laurie Ann Guerrero. I wanted to take classes on Toni Morrison’s work. I wanted to collaborate with other brown and black women– and I did. I did all those things and then some. I built a community with those women. It was more than just grad school; it was how I survived everything else in the world outside of those classes. It was one of the experiences that aided in my unearthing of who I was, who I wanted to become, and who I refused to be.
After grad school I went on to work for a nonprofit here in San Antonio all the while, raising 3 children and working on 2 books when I could. In March of 2020, I departed from a tumultuous relationship. A week after I left, the city went into lockdown, and I was quarantined in a new home alone with 3 children attempting to work and care for them while also allowing myself to grieve and heal and move forward in a way that made sense to me as an individual and a mother. This was a different kind of survival mode, and once again, I did not have a manual. I was alone and it was up to me to figure it out. So I did.
I started therapy. I started seeing a spiritual guide. I worked from home. I baked pies with my children. We stood outside barefoot and planted our feet in the ground together. We bought plants. We danced. We laughed. We got on each other’s nerves. We cried. A lot. We broke things. We put them back together. Some things we had to get rid of, couldn’t be mended and we learned that that is okay too. COVID utterly destroyed me in many ways, but it also gave me back to myself and I had no choice in the matter– thank God. On top of all this healing, my writing pieces started getting published in journals and online as well. I was a finalist for a prize and started developing friendships with other writers online that flourished during this time of solitude.
One day in a zoom therapy session just a few months ago I started weeping to my therapist about how unhappy and stressed I was in my job. How I could not write anymore, and my boss was relentlessly unsatisfied with me, it seemed. That night I journaled a little and meditated on these feelings. I said out loud “I just want to write. I’ve worked so hard my entire life. I just want a break to see what I can create. I know that’s selfish, but I want to be selfish right now.” A week later my organization laid me off. Just as I had finally started to feel solid– stressed but as solid as one could be in a pandemic, I was back in survival mode. This time around, I was adamant that I remain positive and use this time to write my book.
So here I stand today, a 32-year-old writer of books, mother of a trio, daughter of a Chingona, woman of the world, and survivor of many hard things– transformed by pain and self-love and healing and learning and grace and well, a pandemic as well. My manuscript is nearing completion. I am still leaving an old version of myself and my life but also arriving somewhere new, transformed. It is terrifying but breathtaking.
Currently, I am hyper-focused on finishing my book and for the first time in my life, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel— and it looks a lot like me, waiting for me to see it through.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
It has been far from smooth (laughs)! If anything, there was no road here just shards of glass and overgrown weeds. There still isn’t one, I am just doing what I can to create a path that is somewhat visible and less challenging to navigate.
My struggles were both external and internal. On top of growing up with very little and no one who had ever attended college, I also grew up in an environment where writing books was unheard of, bizarre even.
I had to unlearn a lot of things that hindered my growth and self-love journey. I also had to do one of the hardest things in my life after leaving, I had to forgive myself. Forgive me for staying so long, for wanting to love away the poison, for being so hard on myself, for blaming myself for everything hard in my life. Once I forgave myself I had to forgive others. Forgiveness was the biggest challenge I faced and overcame.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
I am a writer. I. Am. A. Writer. It will never get old saying that and believing it. The first piece I recall ever writing was that short work of fiction in the 5th grade. For most of my life, however, I have written poetry. All my publications are poems as of right now but interestingly enough, the manuscript I am currently working on is a book of short stories. Look, I write all the things and I make no apologies for it! I am most proud of my stubbornness. I have attempted to write a version of this book for nearly 7 years. I used to feel a lot of shame for not pumping something out prematurely, but I stopped feeling shame a long time ago. This manuscript started out as a chapbook of poems, then it became a full-length book of poems, then I scrapped it altogether because I could not write what I had not yet learned. I have learned a lot over the last 7 years, most of my learning has come in the last 2. I am proud I did not give up.
I think what sets me apart from others is that I write from a place of utter honesty, but I do so in a way that is easy to understand— inclusive, accessible. I write for myself, I also write for all the girls in my hood and hoods similar to mine wherever they may be.
I want my mom to be able to pick up my book someday and it be easy for her to understand. That is important to me. I read something online once, it said “Reach the world but touch the hood first” and I never stopped living by that. My community is everything to me.
Are there any books, apps, podcasts, or blogs that help you do your best?
Books: “All About Love” by Bell Hooks, Roxane Gay’s “Difficult Women”, and Shonda Rhimes’ “Year of Yes”.
Brene Brown’s “Unlocking Us” podcast. I am manifesting an appearance on her podcast someday. Lol, I dream big, okay? I bet on myself.
Contact Info:
- Email: [email protected]
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thisbridgecallsmeback
